Skip to main content

Chelsea Tractors and Wind turbines

Firstly, I'm going to have a rant about Chelsea Tractors, otherwise known as posh four-wheeled drive vehicles. Farmers use them - predominantly Land Rovers. They aren't green, but they serve a function. They drive over fields and tow trailers full of turnips. Now the Chelsea Tractors are not entirely dissimilar.They drive past fields, and are driven by turnips. The farmer often has his son/brother/sheepdog in there with him. That's a good thing. Shared occupancy equals greener credentials. The driver of the Chelsea  (Hummer, Shogun, BMW oil guzzler or whatever) is a loner. Usually named Ursula or Peter (never Pete). The only time Ursula shares Chelsea is for the 3 minutes it takes to deliver little Jocasta and Jonty from the gravel driveway and Farrow and Ball painted gates of her country retreat to the primary school. I've seen this.

"OOH!" I hear you cry -"Simon, you live in an affluent area, why the nasty swiping tone of voice?" Well readers, it's like this. yes I do live in an affluent area, but I'm not posh at all. Or jealous. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. Our home is....how best to describe?.... maturing perhaps, maybe even approaching retirement, and our life (not " lifestyle" please) a chaotic melange of clutter, frantic work and well obviously and blatantly doing bugger all. So you see, we have a difference of everything with Ursula and Peter. Peter is the type who has downsized, fled the heady rush of THE CAPITAL (I shudder to even think the name) and bought the former farmhouse ( 7 acres, lake, outbuildings, Contact Snobbe & Wax-Jackett for details, viewings at owner's discretion) on the edge of the hamlet. Does Peter want country life? OF COURSE HE DOES YOU FOOL!  Does Peter want to integrate? NO, NO, NO, of course not. That would mean talking to LOCALS and folk from THE NORTH. God forbid that the people who own the Citroen (more about this fine vehicle later) should accidentally cross my path as I exercise the Labrador on the coastal path. they may enquire where I purchased my waxed hat. It's NOT a Stetson pastiche, it's a very English gent's item of head wear - thank you.

Frankly, I don't give a shit about Pete's (sorry Peter's) titfer, his Aquascutum underpants or his Fortnum and Mason selection of fine Scottish preserves. It's the bloody vehicle that rankles. It's too big for these little lanes. It's passenger seat is as empty as your lantern-jawed head. It does 5 miles to the gallon you stiff upper lipped Harris Tweed wearing gimp. That's better, feeling calmer now.

Anyway, some good news this week. The Council have given the go ahead for the erection (stop laughing) of our very own community wind turbines. Common sense has prevailed and the insular clueless have been reduced to mumbling old grumpies, Hail the arrival of alternative energy to our little community!!!!!!

Finally, Citroen are making the best cars right now. It's a fact. They were recently voted the best in class by readers of " Sheepdog trials on a Budget" bi-monthly (A Marshall & Cavendish publication). Nice people own them. People who buy locally, support live music -Don't get me started on DJ's), and love cats. ALL Chelsea drivers shop at Waitrose, like anything that comes out of the mouth of DJ Shadow or Lisa Lashes (Look, I may be a middle aged frump, but I know my sludge-core from my skiffle...alright?!) and they DO shop at The Body Shop now because L'oreal own it. It's a funny old world. This blog has been brought to you by Gitt and Toffinose, purveyors of the worlds finest foie gras and galoshes - which probably taste the same. How should I know coming from THE NORTH.

Ps. To all of you dear devoted readers based in Vietnam & Japan, The north of England is the area where people are steeped in the milk of human kindness, will give you their last penny and the south east is where everything is crap.  That's set the cat amongst the pigeons. Letters to: Mouthy Working Class Northerner please. And (and I begin the sentence incorrectly) the North brews the best ale.
1 comment

Popular posts from this blog

Purposefully Living

How long have we dreamed of buying a place in France?  Of living in the mountains? Probably ever since we got together over 30 years ago... So here we are, we are finally doing it!  We have paid our deposit, met with the notaire and will be receiving the keys to this cute little house in January!  Next year will bring about a lot of change for us and we are very excited, we have been focusing on our lives in a positive and intentional way, meditating each morning and visualising the things we desire. The incredible thing is - it works, it really does.
We have proved over and over again that it is possible for us to do this - being in a good place and having the ability to really focus always makes things happen. We consider everything we have achieved so far, things which seemed so out of reach, but we wanted them and somehow they came into our lives...  From cars, holidays, our business, the B&B to houses. It has meant taking quite a leap of faith at times, even when the likihoo…

Invisible Man

I love the summer. It's my favourite time of year. This year has been particularly bountiful with regards to long periods of uninterrupted sunshine and I have needed no encouragement whatsoever to step outside and sensibly and gradually expose my body to the rays. Over a period of many weeks I have gradually bronzed in a way that has been beyond my grasp for many years due to the whims and vagaries of the British summer. Finally, after careful immersion I have achieved a level of poise and confidence not unlike say mild smugness. Now don't get me wrong, it is by no means a deep tan, a swarthy layer of earthen masculinity but it is most definitely noticeable to those who may have whispered the words "pasty" or "wan git", It has been not just a surprise but a crushing blow then to discover that my new found glow has not only been completely ignored, but my lovely wife (who too possesses a not unenviable tan herself has been the centre of attention because of …

Settling In

We are loving our new little place and are feeling very much at home...
We gave away our juicer to a lovely friend, as our new kitchen is quite small. We do have a Nutribullet too, which is easier to clean and we start each day with a smoothie. These are pineapple, banana, kale, goji berry, pumpkin seeds, turmeric and spirulina.
We add a mix of water and home made milk to the ingredients. Delicious!

We have been reunited with our milk maker (which was buried in the jam room at Meadowcroft).  It's great making all sorts of milks again...  And the pulp goes into our porridge!
This one is brown rice and almond.
Porridge!!! Oats with hemp protein powder, chia seeds, ground flax seeds, rose hips, banana, apple, blueberries and water. Topped with milk, cinnamon, ginger and real Canadian maple syrup... Courtesy of our beautiful friend, Richard - who brings it over from Canada every year!!! ♥

An organic veggie feast - we are still getting our weekly veg boxes... Peppers stuffed with Puy …